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  1. Genuinely believe you are much better liked and much more admired than you really are
  2. Eat dog food
  3. It turns out dogs are the smartest beings on the planet and humans exist mainly to serve them
  4. Be extremely competent but have no self confidence
  5. Get into a large bathtub of room temperature cola (of your choice) and be unable to leave until you drink it all
  6. Use the washroom, look in the bowl, and see maggots
  7. Compulsively end every sentence with the word "pie"
  8. Sit at a desk all day
  9. Your two closest male co-workers walk up to your desk, pee on it (while chatting about sports) then walk away as if nothing happened
  10. Be a dish that ran away with a spoon


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