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Options 1171 to 1181
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Discover that, due to a freak time travel accident that will someday leave you stranded in the past, you are actually your own parent.
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A bum off the street walks up to you and licks your face three times
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Find out the Little Richard is your real father
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Be a bipolar bear
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Become an animated skeleton (while retaining your mind)
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Sweat chocolate syrup
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Your vision suddenly reverses so that everything looks like a film negative
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Watch 300 hours of the security tapes from a bingo hall
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Fight Chuck Norris
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Be unable to wear any shoes other than soccer cleats for the rest of your life