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Become an anthropomorphic cat. Everyone recognizes that you're intelligent and humanoid and can speak, but you nevertheless have the social and legal status of a regular cat.

or

Blow you nose with sandpaper for a week

Comments

jonnyt_
In the case of this one I assume you have a cold or something that makes you NEED to blow your nose during the week and also that you DO indeed use the sandpaper rather than just doing nothing.

You
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