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You have to pick:

Your tears are boiling hot
 
or
 
Alien space bats scoop up your home city and deposit it on the shallow continental shelf several hundred miles offshore from Florida. Since they're benevolent, they turn everyone brought along with it into merfolk.

 
Comments
jonnyt_

I could see the boiling hot tears forming a positive feedback loop.

rchmn

...Pretty sure this would blind you

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