You have to pick:

How bad is the crime, and how long is the prison term? Two days for petty theft, or life imprisonment for puppy molestation?

I'm imagining a life sentence for the jail term.

As an additional note, when I say "life sentence" I mean the standard 20 years in prison followed by parole

I laughed out loud for a whole minute at the mere thought of having the excrete a crab.

Whole or like in pieces because i excrete crab all the time if the latter is true

Whole.